Legacy
by DuckiePray
Summary: A guiding light has gone out, and the family is cast into darkness. Yet even when a great flame is extinguished , its impact will endure.
1. Waves

***Hello, my friends. This wasn't a story I planned to write, or ever _wanted_ to write. Nevertheless, it's the only thing I'm currently able to produce. This has been an odd year for me fanfiction wise, as I try to start writing my own original fiction. Rather than my usual monster fics, I've only written a couple of medium-sized pieces, and this story will not exceed 4-5 chapters.**

**I should warn you that it deals with the immediate aftermath of a canon character death. For that I apologize in advance. I understand if you don't want to read. But the death of my father earlier this month leaves me in a place where I need to vent, and also want to reach out to others. My situation is not unique. I know there are others who've been through or are going through the same thing. You are not alone.**

**I don't own the TMNT, Star Wars, or Hayden Christensen. There are a few OC's within, but I'm not going to take much time to expound on them, because I don't have the energy. There will be a couple more chapters to come after this one, but they won't be laid out on a daily format. Over the next two weeks, it will all come together.**

**Thanks for reading.**

* * *

The cellphone buzzed in Leonardo's ear like an angry hornet, intent on stealing what small peace he could muster. The intrusion was doubly annoying because the blue-masked turtle had tried to turn off the alarm a few minutes prior, and must have accidentally hit the snooze button instead. He pressed the screen repeatedly, but it took several tries to shut down the irritating sound.

Leonardo cringed as he awaited a growl from his younger brother on the bunk below, but it never came. He bent over the side of his bed and realized Raphael was nowhere to be found. Panic seized his gut in an instant at the thought of the red-masked turtle not coming home, but a groggy memory corrected him. _No, I remember Raph stayed in. No one wanted to be alone last night, and we went to bed around the same time._

Leo slumped down on his bed and stared at the screen of his cell phone. It was well after 6AM. On a normal day, he would have been up _before_ his red-masked brother, enjoying some private time in the dojo while the Den was still quiet. Depending on what time Raphael chose to join him, a full work out might ensue, or it could wait until he'd had his first cup of tea, and taken one to his Sensei. His schedule was as certain as the sun rising in the East.

_If it _was_ a normal day._

Leonardo dropped his phone on the mattress and burrowed back under the covers. The morning could wait. He wasn't eager to face it, and hopefully his other brothers could satisfy themselves with some extra rest too. He wanted to go back to sleep, but he found himself staring at the ceiling instead, replaying the events from a little over 24 hours ago.

_There's never a good reason for being woken up in the middle of the night, but it's usually something we can handle if we come together. _This time had been different. There was no hurried call to action, nor mad dash to rescue one of his brothers. The battle in question was over, and there was nothing left to do except live with the outcome.

He rolled onto his side to face the wall. Willfully Leo closed his eyes and commanded thought to cease. It didn't stop images from taking shape in his mind's eye, and his breathing quickened with the emotions he was trying to suffocate. The turtle concentrated on taking deeper breaths and started counting down from 1000 backwards as a means of distraction. Leo was well into the 600's when he finally lost track of what number came next.

* * *

A hand engulfed the blue-masked turtle's shoulder, and Leo turned his head to find Raphael standing beside the bunk.

"C'mon, bro," Raph encouraged him. "You gotta get up. We're gonna eat and we need to talk."

He studied his brother's amber eyes without answering him, and picked out the same emotionless quality the red-masked turtle exuded the day before. Leo wasn't hungry, but there was no point in arguing with Raphael. Not today.

The younger turtle backed away while Leonardo untangled from his blankets and hopped to the floor. When he reached to retrieve his phone, he discovered it was after noon with a wince. "Who's here, Raph?"

"Everybody," he replied mechanically. "I know you don't feel like doing this, but we owe it to him…"

"I'm okay, Bro," Leo assured him, though the words felt less than accurate. "We have to get through a few decisions. I'm sorry I slept so late. I guess I was just…tired."

Raphael took another backward step toward the door. "Nobody minded lettin' you sleep, Leo. Shell, the others told me not to bother y' at all."

_But you need me to be in on this conversation, _Leo filled in silently. "I'm okay," he repeated stronger.

His brother cocked his head and his gaze took on a more piercing quality. "I doubt that, but we gotta stick together, right?"

The blue-masked turtle nodded. "Right."

Raphael turned for the door, and Leonardo followed him into the hall. Even from the second floor, the silence in the Den was overpowering. It was never this quiet when all of his brothers were awake, let alone once they'd been joined by the rest of their friends.

Leonardo's eyes fixed on the two figures sitting in the living area as he finished descending the stairs, and lingered the longest on the purple-masked turtle. Don was sitting so closely with his raven-haired girlfriend that they were nearly touching. His younger brother never stopped staring at the coffee table, but Jenna rose as the older turtles approached the couch.

"Hey, Leo." Her voice was so soft the turtle barely heard it.

"Hi, Jenna." Leonardo tried to force some warmth into his tone.

"I hope you slept okay."

He shrugged. "I slept too _much_."

Jenna shook her head. "I'm sure you needed it."

The young woman wrapped him in a brief hug, and the motion seemed to snap Donatello out of whatever daydream in which he was engaged. The younger turtle's concern reflected in his eyes and immediately made Leonardo uncomfortable. _Raph is a lot better at hiding it._

"Are you all right, Leo?" Don asked.

"Yeah." The blue-masked turtle looked around the room for another point of focus so he wouldn't have to elaborate. "Where is everyone?"

"My mom and Mikey are working on lunch," Jen returned. "April and Kat are hanging out with them, and Luke and Marc have been on one of the computers in the Lab. Can I get you something to drink, Leo? You never had your morning tea…" The woman swallowed when the last word left her mouth. "I'm sorry."

Everyone wanted to help them, but there was so little they could say or do. Even those well acquainted with grief struggled to say the "right" thing. Leonardo didn't want Jenna to feel bad, so he offered a small smile. "No, it's okay. Water's fine for now."

Leo sat down in a chair as Jenna headed for the kitchen, ignoring the gaze he felt from Raphael's direction. _I just have to get through the next couple of days without a complete breakdown. No one needs that – not from me. Raph's being paranoid as it is. Maybe it's better to get the ball rolling and inspire a little more confidence._

The blue-masked turtle glanced at Raphael, but then turned to Donny. "Any idea what the docs are doing in there?" He motioned to the Lab.

Don's brow furrowed. "They're doing some research…Gathering options for what to do next."

"What kind of options?" Leo wondered. "This probably isn't going to be very complicated. It's not like we'll need a processional."

Donatello's helpless expression made Leonardo physically ache inwardly. "I don't know. They're trying to help, Leo."

"I understand," he replied. "But they're not considering a more traditional burial, are they?"

Donatello broke eye contact again. "It's likely one of the things they're looking at."

Leo released a deep breath. "He wouldn't want us to go to the cost _or _the risk involved with a casket. We all know what we need to do. It's just a matter of when, and where."

The purple-masked turtle appeared to be holding his breath for a long pause. "Cremation feels like the safest route. It's also the one way we can be sure that he'll never be…disturbed."

"Raph?" Leonardo turned to his other brother for an opinion.

Raphael rubbed a hand over his eyes. "We all wanna do right by him, Leo. Maybe he's only an empty shell now, but I don't want anything to ever find him either."

Leo sank further down in the chair. Nine months of knowing the inevitable was approaching didn't make it easier to discuss his burial. _Why didn't we talk about this _before_ he died? We should have asked him what he wanted._

"We can nail down all the specifics later," Donny ventured.

"Did you get any sleep?" Leo arched an eye ridge toward the purple-masked turtle.

"What _else_ did I have to do?"

"That's not an answer, Don."

"Here and there, Leo. I did the best I could."

"As long as you understand that coffee isn't a substitute for rest." Leonardo lightened his voice, attempting to lift some of the dreadful mood.

Donatello managed a smile. "There's been no danger of that, Leo; not with Doc practically living down here. He already threatened to keep the beans under lock and key." He made a scoffing sound. "As if that could deter me."

"A little lock versus the Genius?" Raphael snorted. "Doc's gone soft if he thinks _that'll_ slow you down."

"Try to keep the raids to a couple of times a day rather than an hour," Leo advised. "Doc will be less likely to notice anything missing."

"Technically, I don't need _any_ of the stock he's keeping an eye on," Don pointed out. "If I give Jen a ride and ask her nicely, she'll make sure I'm covered caffeine-wise."

Raph chuckled. "All of Doc's strictness undone by the chick ya got wrapped around your finger, Donny."

"It's pretty much the other way around, Raph," he corrected.

"Jenna would do anything for you, Genius. If I was in your shoes—"

"We don't wear shoes," Don interrupted maddeningly.

"I would let her take care of me, that's all." Raphael winked at him.

Donatello shook his head. "Feel free to search for your own girl to look after you, Raph."

"Are you gonna put yourself on the market, Raphy?" Mike suggested, joining their conversation from the doorway to the kitchen. "The newspaper is a good place to start."

Raphael rested his hands behind his head with a smirk. "Could be fun. Single good-looking mutant seeking a girl who won't give him lip and doesn't mind sacrificing the light of day. Must love burly ninjas."

The orange-masked turtle snickered. "Must be willing to deal with daily turtle tantrums."

Raphael glared at their youngest brother. "What would _yours_ say, Shell-head? Must not be turned off by runts?"

Mike casually patted his plastron as he handed Leonardo a bottled water he'd brought from the kitchen. "It's not about the exterior, Raph. The chicks dig what's _inside_."

"Keep tellin' yourself that, Chucklehead." Raphael swatted Michelangelo's shell as he plunked down on the end of the couch. "What's the hold up with lunch, anyway? People gotta be starving."

"It's almost ready." Mike glanced toward the blue-masked turtle rather than Raphael. "What are you guys up to, besides creating personal ads? Dibs on writing _yours_, by the way."

Leo gave his youngest brother a thin smile. "Not a chance, Mike."

"But seriously – what are you doing?" Mike pressed, and just like that, the atmosphere plummeted back to the seriousness of the moment.

"We're talking about the next step," Leo told him.

"You mean…" Mike shifted uncomfortably on his cushion. "What we're gonna do with him?"

The oldest turtle nodded. "The docs are coming up with several options, but we really only need one."

Michelangelo didn't blink. "What'd you decide?"

"We didn't decide – we discussed," Don said gently. "We're thinking cremation would be best."

Mike scooted to the edge of the couch. "You mean like the end of Return of the Jedi? That kind of deal?"

Donny nodded. "Sort of…but I'd better not see Hayden Christensen walk out of those flames."

The orange-masked turtle's chuckle made some of Leonardo's tension abate. _It's like we're on a roller coaster. We're down, we're up, we're down…There's not going to be any consistency over the next few days. The occasional teasing and laugh might be the thing that keeps us sane. I'm sure not going to discourage it._

The smell of food wafted strongly from the kitchen, but the aroma only reinforced the pit in Leonardo's stomach. There was no appetite, but he would eat what he could to satisfy the efforts his friends made.

_He's gone. He's really gone. _Leonardo's inward revelation wasn't new, but it produced a deeper sense of sadness than he'd felt yet that day. _I can't walk down the hall and visit with him. I can't hear his voice or ask for his advice. I can't sit at his feet and try to absorb his endless wisdom. Sensei is gone, and there's nothing I can do about it._


	2. Stewing

***I probably should have mentioned the timing of this fic in the last chapter. It would fall within the range of my early book, Sacrifice, and the boys are in their early twenties. Little older and wiser than they were as teenagers, but it doesn't make it much easier to deal with.**

* * *

Leonardo wasn't keeping track of how long they'd been standing at the van entrance, but he imagined enough rain had fallen in that time to float a fleet of ships. Under normal circumstances the downpour would have been sufficient to delay Luke and Katherine from leaving, but the blue-masked turtle knew the real reason the humans were lingering.

When he took a minute to study the blond-haired doctor, he realized Luke was as far removed from the conversation Raphael and Kat were having as _he_ was. _Come to think of it, those two haven't_stopped _talking. How are we supposed to let them leave if they're caught in a loop of unending dialogue?_

Leo cleared his throat. "Well…it's late. We should let these two get home, Raph, unless you think a canoe would serve them better." His attempt at humor was a weak effort to cover the awkwardness of telling his friends to leave.

Luke snapped to attention with a nod. "You're right. I have a little more research to finish tonight anyway."

"Get some _sleep_, Doc," Raph ordered gruffly. "Take care of yourself first."

"I will," he said quietly. "But the sooner we figure things out, then we can move on to the next…step."

Leonardo grasped the man's shoulder. "We appreciate everything you're doing, and_have_ done over the last few months, Doc."

Luke nodded once more, though Leo sensed he was restraining himself from saying more. Instead the man averted his eyes and resumed fiddling with something inside his jacket pocket.

_I knew the docs would end up blaming themselves, as if there was something else they could have done for Sensei. Master Splinter is the one who told them to stop pursuing an improbable cure…but it doesn't help, does it? Luke, Marcus, Don…All of them are going to carry the weight of his death, and there's probably nothing I can say to lift it. It just isn't fair._

"All right, we're going to go, Leo, but don't…" Luke hesitated, withdrawing his key ring from his coat pocket. "We'll be back in the morning."

Leonardo wasn't tempted to ask the man what he _really_ wanted to say. For now, the blue-masked turtle was satisfied to let the concern of others fall by the wayside, to be dealt with at a later point.

The two turtles remained at the sewer entrance and watched their friends make a break for it through the sheeting rain. They were silent in their vigil until the Volvo's headlights flicked on, and the car began to pull away.

"He didn't wanna go, Leo."

Leonardo tore away from the deluge to meet his brother's gaze. "I know, Raph, but he needed to. It's been three weeks since Doc went home. He deserves the normality of his own bed."

Raphael shook his head. "He needs his family, and that's us. It's not like we're the only ones who lost Splinter, y'know?"

Despite his brother's soft tone, Leonardo tensed. "I wasn't trying to kick him out. I think Luke needs some peace, and he'd sleep better at home, away from all of this."

"It won't hurt less 'cause he goes back to Chelsea."

"Maybe not, but there aren't reminders of Sensei around every corner of the Brownstone, Raph. If you think I was being insensitive—"

"No, Bro, that ain't what I mean. I'm trying to say that we're _all _grieving, and we're probably better off together."

Leonardo's brow furrowed as he questioned his judgment. "I don't want to turn anyone out into the cold. Do you think I was wrong? Should I call them back?"

The red-masked turtle looked at him for a long moment before replying. "No. I'm talking in general, Leo. We'll get sick of the togetherness before long, and I'm sure I'll be the first to crack. But it's easier to be there for each other in the meantime if we stay close."

Raphael turned around and took a couple slow steps in the direction of the Den. He looked back to make sure Leonardo was following. "Where's your head at, Fearless?"

"I don't know. Ask me again in a month," he mumbled.

"_Leo_," his brother said pointedly. "We gotta be able to talk."

"What if I'm not _ready_ to talk?" he responded sharply.

"Then…we can focus on something else. Just don't shut down on us."

"Raph, it's barely been two days. The shock hasn't even worn off yet."

"And you're keeping an eye on everyone else, but don't want 'em paying attention to you."

"You didn't honestly come out here to fight with me, did you? Because I can't take it at the moment. We've wasted far too much time arguing as it is."

"I feel as bad about that as you do, but I _will_ fight you if that's what it takes to make you talk."

Leo searched for an answer before replying. "What good will it do? We knew this was coming. We had plenty of warning."

"That don't make it easier."

The older turtle focused on the tunnel wall, the ground, and the ceiling; anywhere but on his red-masked brother. "It's so stupid," he mumbled finally.

"What's stupid?"

"All of this!" Leonardo's sudden increase in volume caused his voice to echo. "We knew. We knew for _months_."

"So we should be okay with it?" Raph persisted.

Leo stopped in his tracks. "I think…there was this small part of me that secretly hoped the docs were wrong. I imagined them discovering a cure for his lungs a dozen different ways. Even though they told us it was coming, I didn't accept it, not completely. It wasn't intentional. I didn't realize I was still counting on him to pull through, not until Doc woke us up. I should have prepared myself better. Maybe I wouldn't be _here_ right now."

"Leo…I think most of us harbored some secret hope that Sensei would make it. But whether we wrote him off or not, this would still be hard. The pain wouldn't be any different."

Leonardo blinked rapidly and took a deep breath. "Master Splinter struggled so much over the last year, between the battle with breathing and his body deteriorating. I hate that he had to go through it at all. It's not enough for the mutation to take his humanity – in the end it also took his life. It makes me wonder…If he hadn't come to our rescue when we were nothing but ordinary baby turtles, if we hadn't all been mutated together, where he'd be now."

Raphael's hands landed on his plastron with surprising force, pressing him against the tunnel wall without warning.

"Raph…!"

"No, you listen!" he ordered. "I _knew _you'd find a way to blame yourself for this, and I'm not gonna let you."

"It's hard to fight who I am," Leo muttered bitterly.

Raphael shook his head fiercely. "This ain't about you making everything your fault, Bro. Grief will you feel guilty for things you can't control, remember? It's the same reason Jen blamed herself when her dad got killed, because those dang terrorists didn't get to murder _her_. It's not Jenna's fault the whack-job shot her dad at their court hearing, but she still felt responsible because she didn't die instead."

Leonardo squirmed under his brother's crushing grip. "Okay, but could you let up?"

The red-masked turtle grimaced while he released him. "That's _my_ specialty: making my point and going overboard. Seriously though, Leo, I know it's hard to talk about, but you have to. We lost our Sensei. We can't afford to lose no one else."

"You're not going to 'lose' me, Raph."

"There's already a lot of pressure on you, and now it's probably gonna double. You're going to break down at some point. It'll happen to every single one of us. So I'm asking you, don't shut us out, or act like you have to be savior of the clan. You've got feelings too."

"I'm okay, Raph. I told you, I'm still sort of in shock-mode."

"But it's all right if you're _not_ okay, Leo."

The older turtle gave him a small smile. "I'll try and keep you updated regularly."

* * *

The silence hit Leonardo like a battering ram when he walked through the front door. It wasn't _that_ late, in reality only about 10:30, and life usually continued well into the evening in the Hamato household. The living area was empty, and the adjacent Lab looked dark and cold. It had been several weeks since Leo had seen all the lights off in his brother's workspace; not since Splinter had been moved in for more intensive observation.

A memory flickered through his mind from January of that year. The term "blood/oxygen absorption" was something Leonardo had gotten used to hearing, even if he didn't fully understand what it meant. Splinter's oxygen levels had dropped so far that it was impacting his heart rate, and the docs had made the decision to ventilate him.

It was just the type of life-saving measure their Sensei was against, but since no one was ready to relinquish the rat to death and he was too sedated to resist them, the procedure to support his lungs was implemented. _I thought that moment might have been the end, but Splinter came back around. I'll never forget when he woke up. _

Seeing his Sensei's confused but genuine smile was like being offered a new lease. _Maybe _that _was when all my false hope started building up. Not that _any_ of it matters now._

"Bro? You tired?"

Leonardo turned to face his younger brother, and then nodded instead of speaking.

"I'm gonna make sure Tiger has food and water, and I'll come up. I ain't seen that cat in a couple hours."

"She's probably off napping somewhere," the blue-masked turtle mused.

"I'm gonna find her, and then I'll turn in too."

"Okay."

Leo headed for the stairs without allowing himself to glance down either side of the hall. On one end lay his Master's domain, and on the other was the dojo. He wasn't prepared to face either of those places. _If I can get to sleep before Raph comes up, I won't have to deal with any more questions tonight._

The thought lent energy to his feet, and he closed in on their bedroom with a vengeance. When Leo flipped on the overhead light, a soft rustle suggested movement, coming from the top bunk. An orange and white head poked over the side of the mattress lazily, and yellow eyes gazed down at him as though to ask, "Where've _you_ been all night?"

He shook his head at the half-grown cat. "Really? This is where you're hiding out?"

Tiger's tail whipped back and forth innocently, but she didn't budge from her perch on _his_ bed.

"Raph's looking for you," he explained patiently, like the feline spoke English too. "Don't you want to eat?"

She resumed resting her head on his blanket and he lightly knuckled her back.

"You realize I didn't approve this. You're invading my space."

The half-open bedroom door was suddenly pushed inward. "Who you talking to, Leo?"

He glanced back at Raphael. "Your cat. She's trying to claim my territory. You wanna do something about this?"

"Do something? You should feel privileged, Bro. You're the chosen one."

"I should feel privileged that she's taking over my bed?"

"Tiger coulda gone anywhere, and she picked you. You need to go back to kiddie school and learn how to share."

Leo rolled his eye. "Doesn't she need to eat?"

"Turns out Mikey fed her while we were gone. You want me to throw Tiger out, Leo?"

The blue-masked turtle gazed at the cat sternly while she stretched her paws into miniature fluffy catcher's mitts. "I guess not, as long as she gives me some space too."

"She's a little thing." Raphael scoffed. "How much room do you think Tiger needs? I'm gonna hit the shower real quick, and I'll be back. Be nice to the mighty hunter."

"Mighty hunter," Leo grumbled when the door shut behind Raphael. He let out an aching sigh and pointed at the feline accusingly. "Don't you dare get used to this."


	3. Fragile

*** Hi, friends. I'm sorry it took me so long to get another chapter together. It's been harder to get my motivation going than I thought it would be. But I'm here now...and I still plan for a couple more chapters after this one. My hope is that after I've completed this project, I'll actually be able to work on some original fiction again.**

**Thank you for reading and bearing with me.**

* * *

Leonardo awoke to an uncomfortable cold sensation seeping through his temple. He opened his eyes and found his head pressed against the window of Marc's Avalanche.

"Hi."

The blue-masked turtle jarred at the sound of April's voice, and immediately regretted moving so quickly. The headache he'd hoped to eradicate through rest painfully reminded him of its existence. _Is there anything more annoying than going to sleep with a headache and waking to find it worse? _April's fingers brushed his arm, and he blinked rapidly to focus on the woman.

"Hey," he croaked, not bothering to muster much volume.

April scooted over on the seat to make room. "You can stretch your legs if you want, Leo. You might feel better."

_I doubt it_, he thought, but took advantage of her offer to flex the muscles in his legs to their fullest extent. "How long was I asleep?"

"You were so restless, it didn't look like you _were_ asleep. In any case, Marcus said we probably have another four hours."

Leo sighed inwardly. He wasn't thrilled with the prospect of traveling seven hours to perform a deed they could have completed closer to home, but he also wasn't in the state of mind to argue over the trip. The remote site to which they were heading was Katherine's find, and he didn't want to seem ungrateful for his friends' efforts to help.

Leonardo appreciated the presence and concern of their human friends, but the one thing he _really_ wanted was a few minutes (or better yet, hours) of peace. Whether he was surrounded by others or taking the chance to hide out on his own, he'd yet to actually _escape_. His two attempts to meditate over the last three days only served to prove the current fragility of his spirit.

"Marc, do you think we should stop?" Victoria's question from the front seat drew Leo back from the corner where his mind was wandering.

The dark-haired man glanced in his rearview mirror. "This is the last rest stop for a while, and it's still dark. I think we'd better take it."

"Do you see the van?" April asked.

Marcus shook his head. "As if I could outrun Luke? I'm surprised he's been able to hang behind me _this_ long."

The red-haired woman smiled. "It's probably tempting to push the limits of the Battleshell. We could get you a turn behind the wheel if you want," she teased.

The man snorted. "Yeah. That'll be the day. I'll put my signal on, and he should follow me over."

Leonardo looked over his shoulder at the slumped figure of his purple-masked brother in the back seat. Jenna was seated next to him with her arm entwined through his, but it actually seemed like Donny was asleep. The hope was shattered when the younger turtle instantly opened his eyes. "Hey, Don. You okay?"

Donatello sat up straighter. "I'm fine. Did they say we're stopping?"

"Don't act like you didn't hear them, Don." Leo gave him a pensive look. "You promised me you'd get some rest."

"A moving car isn't the easiest place to sleep," he protested. "It only comes in short bursts. I'll rest when the entire process is over."

"You'll sleep when we get there, or I won't let you keep watch with us. You're only exhausting yourself," he chided.

Don's eye-ridges rose, but it took him a few seconds to reply. "I wish you didn't have to worry so much."

"Sorry. It's part of the job," Leo said glibly. "This is a package deal."

April's hand rested on his shoulder. "That's no reason for you to hog it all." Her tone was light, even if her insinuation wasn't. "You could save some worry for the rest of us."

The blue-masked turtle turned his gaze back to her and gave April a sympathetic smile. From within his private black hole, it was difficult to remain as aware as he needed to be of everyone. The expression behind her green eyes communicated grief in addition to anxiety.

"We're going to be okay, April," he reassured. "All of us will."

"You know you can talk to us," she said softly. "I don't mean right now…Just, when you're ready."

Leo reigned in a flicker of annoyance with practiced self-control. The family had taken to reminiscing already, speaking of Splinter for several minutes at a time. He was happy to listen to the discussions and even prompted to chuckle occasionally, but held back from offering input. "I'm okay," he told her, though he was tired of repeating himself.

Her hand gripped his shoulder tighter and he patted her back. "We'll get through this together, April. It won't be easy, but we have each other, don't we?"

The woman gulped a deep breath. "I wish we had more time with him. Over and over again for the last two days, it's all I can think. I wish we had more time. It's a pointless broken record repeating in my head."

Leonardo's arm encircled her stronger. "Splinter was like family to you too, April. Of course you weren't ready to let go of him. None of us were."

April sniffed twice and broke eye contact with him. "I'm sorry."

"For what? Treating us like family, and being there for us more times than we can count?" Leo soothed.

"If being a good friend is an offense, you have a lot to apologize for, April," Don spoke up.

Marcus stopped at the parking spot farthest from the small buildings that made up the rest area, and Victoria wheeled around to face the back of the Avalanche.

"Boys, can I get you something to drink?" the older woman offered.

"I'll take an iced tea if the machines have it, and _no_, Don can't have any coffee," Leonardo responded for them both.

Donny folded his arms with mild irritation. "I didn't even _say_ anything. You're getting as bad as Doc."

"You can't blame me for jumping the gun. How are you supposed to sleep if you keep pumping caffeine into your veins?"

"You make me sound like an addict, Leo."

"Only if the shell fits, Bro." Leonardo gave the purple-masked turtle a smug smile, relieved to see more life in his eyes than before. _Don's going to be all right…we'll learn to cope. This is the new reality, whether we like it or not. It may take me some time to adjust, but I can do it. I've got to._

April climbed out the side door, but then looked back. "Do you guys want to eat anything?" She chuckled at Leo's clueless shrug. "I'll surprise you. It looks quiet if you guys want to try getting out. The foot traffic is all up closer to the bathrooms."

"We'll pull a few different things for everyone," Marcus volunteered. "Be back in a few minutes. Jenna, are you coming?"

The raven-haired woman moved to join April in the parking lot. "I'd better use the bathroom. I'll bring you back something good, Donny."

"That doesn't include caffeine," Leo inserted pointedly. Jenna gave him a _look_ and he shook his head. "Back me up on this, Jen. It's for his own good."

Jenna shot Don a quick glance. "He sucks the fun out of everything, doesn't he?"

Leonardo sighed wearily. "That's _also_ in the job description."

The young woman backed away from the Avalanche, devoid of a comeback. "We'll be quick."

The blue-masked turtle peered outside after she'd gone, and located the Battleshell next to them.

Luke gave him a wave as he crossed between the vehicles with Katherine. "You going to stay put?"

"We won't disappear on you, Doc. Raph and Mike aren't getting on your nerves, are they?"

"They might be getting on each _other's_ nerves, but I can't say for sure from up front. Are you going to check on them?"

"Not unless they give me a reason to. If I don't hear anything, that's good enough for me."

Luke nodded. "We're going to catch up with the others. See you in a bit."

Leonardo ducked inside the Avalanche and turned around on the seat so he was facing his brother. Donatello stared back at him placidly, but Leo could tell his mind was churning overtime. "How are you _really_?"

"What do you think, Leo? I hate this. Believe me, I'd love to sleep and forget, but it doesn't work that way. Not for me."

"Rest won't make you forget; it'll keep you healthy. I know where your mind is, Don, and it's not fair. You have to fight the guilt."

"I can't always help what I _feel_, Leo. Just like you can't help the responsibility weighing on your shoulders to hold everyone up. It's not your job to be strong for the rest of us."

"It _is_ my job," he said quietly.

"No! It's _all _of us, Leo, or nothing. None of us have it all together, not even you."

"You're not telling me anything I don't know."

Donatello grunted with frustration. "I'm not putting you down, even if that's how it sounded. Being a team means helping each _other_. You're included in that."

"I know I am. I'm not _trying_ to be the lone hero, Don. But I'm right too," he ventured. "You can't carry the weight of Splinter's death any more than I can bear the burden of the entire family."

"It's not my fault," he said weakly. "I've told myself that several times. Doesn't make it go away."

"It might take a while for your 'feelings' to catch up, Don. You have to keep reminding yourself in the meantime."

"I'm doing the best I can." With those words he settled against the seat, as though to signify he was done talking about it.

Leonardo was tempted to press the issue, but resisted the urge. _How can I force someone else to bare their soul to me, when I'm not ready to do the same? He needs time to process, and I don't want to start a fight by pushing him too hard. _

"We _will _get through this," the blue-masked turtle declared, to assure himself as well as his brother.

Don lifted his head slightly to nod and resumed staring into space.


	4. Legacy

***Sorry this update has taken so long. It's seriously been a struggle to motivate myself to write ANYTHING. But I only have one more chapter after this one...so it should be out before the end of the month. Thanks for reading with me, and bearing with the heavy mood.**

* * *

Leonardo wasn't sure how to feel when it was time to speak. He'd put off voicing what was on his heart until then for exactly that reason: there was no telling what emotions could be unleashed. Despite not knowing how to proceed, the blue-masked turtle wasn't uncomfortable. No one had spoken from their smaller fire circle for a few minutes, but there was a sense of solidarity in their grief. It left him free to take his time to choose his words.

His eyes drifted to the larger bonfire to the right of their group. The flames would burn all night to remove any evidence of their Master's earthly form. Physical _evidence_, he reminded himself. _The deepest parts of Sensei can't be destroyed by fire_. And with that thought, Leonardo recalled a conversation he'd had with Michelangelo months beforehand, when his orange-masked brother was at a low point.

Something akin to inspiration sparked in Leonardo's mind at the memory, and words finally came to the surface. "A few months ago, I shared a quote with Mike. He might remember it, but I think it's appropriate to mention it again today. Isabel Norton said that those we hold most dear never leave us…They live on in the kindness they showed, the comfort they shared, and the love they brought into our lives."

Leo paused briefly to focus on his brothers and friends in turn. "The first time I heard the quote, it left me bitter. It sounded like sentimental nonsense someone awkwardly comforts you with when they don't know what else to say. But I get it now – what it _really_ means.

"We don't have Splinter here with us, but he's not gone. Not completely. As long as we live, a part of him is alive with us. His presence is in every lesson and skill he trained us to use. Every word of wisdom and act of compassion are pieces of Sensei that we carry around with us, wherever we go.

"The impact Splinter made on our lives doesn't cease because he's gone. We haven't forgotten ninjutsu. We haven't left behind honor. We haven't lost our family. The circle is broken, but not destroyed."

Leonardo hesitated for a long moment. "Sensei changed nearly everyone he came in contact with. He ignited a passion in _us,_ not just to take care of ourselves, but to fight for the greater good. He didn't have to order us to go make a difference in a very dark place. He simply inspired the path that we all choose to lead…and you, our friends, choose to walk with us. Sensei's light has gone out, but we're not lost. As long as the spark he lit in us keeps burning, the night won't overcome our family. Even the darkest midnight can't hide a tiny candle.

"That doesn't mean the next few weeks and months won't be hard, or that we won't miss his _presence_. But it tells me there's still hope; hope for life to continue, hope to keep growing. That's what Splinter would want us to do…and I believe it's the greatest way we can honor the legacy he left. To love and protect each other…to do the right thing, and never back down in the face of fear.

"We're blessed to have each other, and to have every one our friends." Leonardo stopped when his voice cracked, and swallowed to keep composure. "This isn't what any of us wanted, but it isn't the end. If Splinter could see us now, with full understanding of everything yet to come in our lives, I think he would be excited. Maybe he can view the whole picture, watching over our shoulder as we walk a path we can hardly see. Either way, I have a strong feeling we have a full future ahead of us. When it's all said and done, we still have a lot to be grateful for."

Leonardo rested a hand on his red-masked brother's shoulder and grazed Luke's back on his other side. "So even though I can't tell you what will happen next, I'm not afraid for this family. We've trained, fought, and worked together in the past, and we'll find a way to grieve together too. We're not finished."

"No, we ain't," Raphael said stoically. "And Sensei wouldn't want us to give up that easy. No one said this was gonna be fun, but we're still here."

The oldest turtle sensed he needed to say more, and nodded at Raphael to continue.

"None of us wanted to lose him, but watching Sensei wear out the way he did…Part of me is glad that he's better now. He's _whole_," Raph said emphatically. "And it really does feel like he's watching us from somewhere else, and proud of us for being a team."

The red-masked turtle took a shaky breath and focused on the small fire in their circle. "I think…we could all go on about Splinter for a long time. A lot of people on the surface can get sidetracked, kind of forget about what's important. We might get distracted by stuff too, but our lives are sorta…limited, so it keeps us more aware.

"Maybe it's harder for us to lose Sensei because he's the only family we had, or maybe it's better…Because we were always there with him, and he got to pour so much into our lives. I can't say anything for sure, except that my brothers and I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Splinter. I doubt we would have survived as kids, and we definitely wouldn't be _who_ we are without his guidance.

"Leo's right. There's a huge part of Sensei that'll always be with us, even when we don't feel like it. But now there's a void too, and nothing's gonna fill it. I don't think we should even _try_ to find something to take his place. Some people you don't get over…and you're probably not supposed to."

* * *

Leonardo was tired of sitting. He'd spent most of the night in silent watchfulness of the bonfire with his brothers. Though their human counterparts offered to take part of the watch or stay with them at the very least, the blue-masked turtle had gently insisted it was their task to finish, their final way to honor Splinter's physical body.

While his brothers had alternated pacing and tending the fire, Leo was unmoved until he saw the first rays of light on the horizon. Their watch was almost over, the job nearly complete, but there was no accompanying satisfaction or peace.

The muscles in his legs protested as Leonardo stiffly rose, unused to the inactivity he'd subjected them to for the last couple of days. There was an obvious cure for it, though he'd been shunning anything to do with ninjutsu to prevent a possible breakdown. _It's kind of senseless though, isn't it? I can't avoid this forever. It's not going to make me feel better to shut down, or help me miss Sensei less._

Leo closed his eyes with a deep breath. As he inhaled, he sensed the newness of greenery emerging in the forest surrounding him; fresh life under the surface of the earth, waiting for the opportunity to come forth. The soft trilling of birds in the sparse overhead canopy was suddenly louder, and felt closer by.

A light breeze swirled around him, refreshing after the heat of the bonfire his brothers had dutifully fed so it would burn throughout the night. _The world hasn't changed. Our family has been rocked, but life continues…and we have to continue too._

His breathing automatically deepened as he posed one leg ahead of the other and sank into a relaxed stance, resting his weight on bent knees. Leonardo drew his right arm backwards and brought it forward again slowly, crossing his chest. The breeze sifted through his fingers, and he swore it had a physical texture to hold on to.

In the tranquil state, Leo didn't have to direct his body. His limbs shifted as though they had life of their own, flowing seamlessly from one stance to another. He was an ocean wave, ebbing and flowing with a consistent current. He was one with every sensation colliding with his frame.

Leo couldn't recall when he picked up speed. His conscious mind was faintly aware of the wind increasing, and his movement naturally adjusted to flow with its intensity. He was nearly distracted when his breathing quickened too, but the blue-masked turtle exhaled to settle it.

The action of slowing down felt like he was fighting against Nature itself. The wind continued to whip around him, stinging his skin as it sought to unhinge his disciplined respiration. He found himself beating the air in slow motion, struggling to take back the airway that was rightfully his. The howl of the displeased elements whined around him until the urge to cover his ears was too strong to resist.

Leonardo clapped both hands on either side of his head and felt himself pitch forward. The abrupt cessation of the wind caused him to blink rapidly and find himself supported by his red-masked brother's arms.

"Y'okay, Bro?" Raphael's piercing amber eyes searched his face.

Leo nodded slowly. "Yeah. Thanks."

Don took a step into view. "I think you should sit down, Leo."

"I was sitting all night," he answered faintly. Nevertheless, he didn't fight Raphael's grip guiding him back toward their original fire circle. Leonardo found his youngest brother staring at him with a knowing expression. "What is it, Mikey?"

The orange-masked turtle fidgeted on his feet, neither moving toward him nor retreating. "You felt it too, huh?"

Leo pulled away from his other brother. "Felt what?"

Michelangelo looked down. "The rage. Everything starts out normal, but then…It falls apart."

Leonardo took a couple of hesitant steps. "It felt like the wind would tear _me_ apart."

Mike shook his head. "I'm glad it's not just me."

The oldest turtle's brow furrowed. "I don't know what it means, but it's never _just _you, Mike, or any of us." He cast a glance back at Donny. "I…I've shut you guys out, because I didn't know how else to keep my emotions under control. But it's not really controlled at all…only isolated. I'm sorry."

Michelangelo crossed the remaining space between them. "You don't gotta be sorry for hurting, Bro."

Leonardo swallowed, but couldn't find any moisture in his throat. "I wasn't ready to lose Sensei. I'm not ready to be alone."

"Yer not," Raphael insisted. "So long as we're here, you never will be." The red-masked turtle hooked an arm over his shoulder, and cast his other hand around Mike.

Leonardo mimicked the action by extended his arm around Raphael's back, and then reached for Donatello, who filled in the last gap by stretching around to Mike. The tears of four brothers resounded with the rest of the wilderness rising to greet the new day.


End file.
